I have always had difficulty with eye contact. I was not diagnosed with MC until I was 14, but I have always been aware that there was something different with my muscles. Eye contact has been a sort of maddening issue that I have struggled with until more recently. There seems to be a couple of ways the MC affects my eyes. First when I look at an object or person for an extended period of time, my eyes relax and fall out of focus. When I refocus my pupils sort of lock in place and then widen. I think this is natural, except when they lock in place and don’t relax, they almost feel as if they continue to widen. This causes me to blink and open my eyes even wider from the slight discomfort this causes. On top of this, I get that dull cramped feeling in my eyelids when I hold them still—like when you sit or stand too long in one spot. This makes me just want to shut my eyes and rest them rather than sit there and look at someone. I imagine I look really interested in what that other person is saying, when I just want to close my eyes and fall asleep. Finally, when someone looks off to the left or right and I follow them with my eyes, my eyes will sometimes lock into place.

The result of all of this is that the person I am speaking with either reacts with a look of confusion or seems to get the idea that I am not interested in what they are saying. In the later case, they often promptly end the conversation. I have to admit that this causes me to be a little irritated with them, because it was not my intention and there is nothing I can do about it.

I say this has been a problem until recently, because I have come to accept that what happens with my eyes is from my MC and not because I am socially deficient. I have also learned to keep myself relaxed and to keep my eyes relaxed. I don’t worry about what the other person may think of me if my eyes lock into place, and I am not going to show the other person with my eyes that I am excited by what they are saying, because that often leads to strong contractions and strong contractions make my eyes stick longer. I don’t care if they see my eyes stick longer, but I don’t personally enjoy the feeling. It sort of fits into the general attitude I take towards people—I am going to move, but I am going to move at my own pace. I often think of an older man who has accepted that his body does not move the way it used to and simply moves at his own speed. I like to imagine myself as an impenetrable object—a slow moving sheet of rock, an iceberg. You can move around me, but you cannot move me. The world has its speed, and I have my speed.

This thought process has helped ground me. I stand firmer on the earth. I don’t worry about people knocking me over. I don’t worry about falling over, and since I have taken this attitude I rarely fall over anymore. I used to fall over all the time. I stand solid like a rock. When people look into my eyes they will see patience (because you have to have patience if you have MC), strength and someone who knows what their limitations are—and is comfortable with those limitations.

The person who can live with MC and be okay with it and even find joy in it is stronger than 99% of people out there, because most people whether they have a disability or do not accept their own limitations.

Jim you remind me of my son ,he ,without actually voicing it,the way you have, carries himself that way,maybe i am the only one who knows what he's doing and more importantly why,it may seem to others he has an arrogant nature but they are wrong,when they get to know him that is,also if he happens to look up at you,he would have to be sitting down to do this as he is 6ft 2,his eyes seem to be looking in two different directions,this does'nt happen when he looks directly at you. i have never really thought this could be mc related,when he was diagnosed they said he had imature cataracts,that he was probably born with them and they would not get any worse in all probability,so i dont know if this is the reason. This forum is a godsend we can all discuss things that we maybe wouldnt even mention to our doctors for fear of ridicule,we can all just throw things out and get other peoples opinions and experiences without that fear. I would like to know how other peoples spouses react to everyone, oh i just remembered a scary incident a few years ago,friends generally know never to grab my hand and try to run across the road,however one friend forgot,when i felt her grab my arm and start to run i jerked my arm from her grasp,but this unbalanced her and she allmost fell in front of the traffic, i felt terrible,she forgave me but it gave me nightmares for a while, has anything similar ever happened to anyone else?

Type of Myotonia: MSN Messenger,3

Oh Barb, YES! I have fallen in streets because of friends grabbing me to run together, I have fallen backwards to get out of someone's grasp - and didn't they think I was a bit over-reactive! I even almost fell onto subway tracks because of stuff like this. Of course, I had no idea why I was compelled to "protect" myself, but I just knew it was vital. And when someone, out of the blue, runs up to you, and yells - "Tag, you're it!" - then what?!?!?!
: ) lois