As a single female 1LT and CPT at Fort Carson (3rd ACR), I was invited to the wives' coffees. I went to a couple, but mostly it was the wives pumping me for information about their husbands, etc. so I stopped attending.
When I was engaged to my husband during his company command, I was not allowed or invited to attend any "spouse" meetings by order of his Battalion Commander (and his wife), since we weren't yet married - I am still ticked off at that even today!
Now as a reservist, my unit's FRG leader is male - he is married to our Deputy Commander (our male commander is divorced).
I had very positive experiences with both my husband's spouses group (wives- no men were brave enough to attend and I also attended spouses functions for the unit to which I was assigned. I frequently was told how much the wives appreciated that I talked with them rather than the men during family gatherings. Seemed it was nice for the wives to know that women in the Army can also communicate and respect them, as well as work and talk with the men.